My insight has grown...

I haven't posted in a while, but I like the conversations I've had about the post pervious to this one (Brave New World)...I've come to the conclusion that there are different types of people who use and view self gratification in many ways. Some beileve that experiences from s.g. are needed in order to figure out what you want and don't want out of life. I heard a view point saying that s.g. wasn't a bad thing to indulge in because you might die tomorrow. I had one person boldly agree with my stance (lower than expected heh.) And then one person who showed me a new prespective that I never thought about before.

All these suggestions played a part in confirming or testing my ideals. I still think the same things, but now I'm just more knowlegable. I don't think anyone is wrong for beileving what they beileve (which is absolutely not true, but what I mean by that is...I don't care enough to tell you that I think that you're wrong because you probably think the same thing about me.), but I do apperciate all the feedback. It helped alot.

Nothing else is really on my mind, I'm pretty tired still, and a spider was just in my Vans. In other words...I'm going to do surveys...and maybe if you lurk my page enough...you'll enjoy them. Ja ne [x]

Your Power Color Is Lime Green

At Your Highest: You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary. At Your Lowest: You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in. In Love: You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated. How You're Attractive: Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room. Your Eternal Question: "What else do I need in my life?"

What's Your Power Color?

You are 47% Aries

How Aries Are You?

You Are An Invisible Ex

You're so over your ex, you hardly even remember you have an ex You prefer leave all of the baggage behind you - far, far behind As they say, indifference is the opposite of love!

What Type of Ex Are You?

You Are 59% Indie

You're pretty indie, but you don't make a fuss letting everyone know. You just do what you like. You enjoy many types of things - from trendy to bizarre.

How Indie Are You?

You Are 20% Cynical

Cynical? Not even close! If anything, you're a bit naive. Overall, you enjoy life and try not to be paranoid. Even if you've been burned before.

How Cynical Are You?

Your Dosha is Vata

Creative and restless, you take in all of life's pleasures (maybe a little too much!). You're quick witted and very talkative, but you also tend to have a spotty memory. You tend to get very into ideas, people, and lifestyles... but only for a short time. It's difficult to hold your attention, and you sometimes feel with what life has to offer. With friends: You are very uncomfortable in new situations or with new people In love: You fall in and out of love very easily To achieve more balance: Live in a warm climate and spend some quiet time in nature

What's Your Dosha?

You Have Low Self Esteem 32% of the Time

Generally, you feel pretty darn great about who you are, even when you mess up or fail. Occasionally, a huge setback will make you question yourself, but you pick yourself up quickly.

How is Your Self Esteem?

Everyone belongs to everyone else.

I figured since I woke up at a reasonable time (11:00am) I would lurk around online and then watch a movie before work. I haven't watched a movie by myself in a long time. My current television obsession is "Comcast: On Demand." It's a cable package where you can watch whatever you want (what's available) when ever you want (when it's available). Tough decision, but I finally chose to watch "Brave New World." I didn't know they had a movie adapatation of the book (which I love, but never completely read.) so I figured..."Why not? Made in 1998, decent acting, 87 min...perfect."

I must say that the movie version was very rushed. In the first 20 or 30 minutes of the movie they were already crash landed in the savages home land. I figured it didn't matter because the movie wasn't trying to outshine the book and was just trying to get its main points across in a 87min time frame. The movie changed alot of images I had in my head about Deltas and the uncivilized culture. Brave New World makes me very sad because I start to think about the civilization that they lived in and it almost mirrors the one we live in today (the reason for this blog post.)

In BNW* instant gratification is promoted. If you want it, you can have it. "Promiscuity is a citizens duty." You shouldn't have to go without. On the surface it looks and sounds good, but what about the other things you have to sacarfice for those temporary pleasures?

I started to think about the kids you see on MTV...or just the whole MTV culture as a whole. In today's society that lifestyle is the "correct" one. "Party hard and forget the rest." "You're only young once, might as well." I don't understand why that type of mentality is so popular.

I think those same people beileve you can balance the two. To be able to give in to your impulses and still find yourself and truth. I don't see how that is possible. By accepting one your neglecting the other. Then there are some people who just don't care (or don't know any different.) They've never gone without, they've never felt real pain (not getting to go to PC with all your bestfriends isn't real pain.), they've never even experienced life...and for some reason they don't care (or they beileve their way of life...is "life.")

I guess the point of this blog is to see what I am missing. To gain insight from the outside, because I don't understand this way of thinking.

*BNW = Brave New World (as if you didn't know.)

I'm in the distribution of distribution...

It's been awhile since my last post. I'm not going to say alot hasn't happen because it has, but alot of it is still unfolding. So I am going to wait until all is resolved.

The past two days have been my off days from Thai Kitchen. I've learned to take my off days very seriously and I take advantage of them every time I have them. I've been doing alot of hanging out with my hardcore gamer crew: "Juice, Kenny, Steven, and Jake" I think I've played more Street Fighter in these pass few days than I have ever played in my life (which makes no sense at all.) Many would say that playing videogames is a waste of time, but how can a hobby be a waste of time? It's something personal that you do...that you enjoy and brings you satisfaction. Nothing with those qualities can be a waste of time in my eyes. So play on!

Hanging out also has its price. My relationship suffered a blow during this time. I wasn't distributing my time the way it needed to be and arguements did ensue. We eventually worked it out, but the working it out part is the part I don't like. I guess it is alot better than not working it out, but I think time management is something I need to work on some more. (Why am I talking about all this?)

Today I practiced on parallel parking. I hate it! I think most people would agree. It's not very easy and in the future that I do get my license (which I go for this Thursday.) I will go out of my way to avoid parallel parking. Or maybe I will get really lucky on Thursday and destroy that part...we'll see soon enough. I feel pretty confident, but I just don't know what to expect. I really don't want to fail. I won't fail.

Recent plans to go to Savannah might not go through. I really don't feel like going into it, because I'm very sure all the details haven't been worked out, but I can't say I didn't expect something to happen. I really wanted to beileve that I'd get to see Amanda before college, but like I told her...I can wait it out, I just didn't want to if I didn't have to. I guess this means I can still go all out for the next pay period. That just means more money for us.

Well there is no more Root Beer so I'm pretty pissed about that (we only had it for one day!) I think I might just go get some snacks and watch a movie or something. I'm hitting another stand still period in my life. Monday coming up was suppose to be the break through...who knows if it'll happen. Let's pray it does.

BANE, Outbreak, MLIW, TIH, Overdose

I'm too tired to post anything, but pictures so please enjoy.

and for the last post I had...I feel better.

I think I just needed to get the S word kicked out of me at a show to feel better...that and Chris said we might be going to Savannah soon!




This guy was hilarious. He had no idea what was going on.




This is Hell


This is Hell


Random mosh heads.


Sing-a-longs are fun!


Greg J and Myles S 2006 runnin' the mutha F'ing game!


Modern Life is War...there live show is sick!


This guy loved stage diving. (I jumped off there too...crazy fun)


Everyone now!


Legendary BANE!


Meeting Aaron (lead vox from BANE) I look stupid as mess.

::Shakes Head::

I'm not doing so good.
(Post later, when I gather my thoughts.) [x]

DS lite Day!

I had a dream that Erin died.
It was so real...I was very very sad.
It was crazy.
and for some reason Natalie was in it too.
I had alot of stuff to give to Erin in a cardboard box
and I had gone up to JJ's to give it to her.

"Erin's dead. Her and Natalie died in a fatal car crash last night."
"what?!"

Now this is weird because these are two people I don't really hang out with on a daily basis, but who knows where dreams come from.
-------------------------
DS lite comes out today.
I am going on break just so I can get it right at 12:00pm.

If you didn't know it is Ginger's b-day today.
She is 19 (what a baby.)
But more importantly.

I get Animal Crossing and DS lite today! [x]

Forget the sugar...

Hmmm....just another "I don't feel like doing what I am suppose to be doing" blog post. I guess you could even call this "a pre-work, random" blog post. Whatever you decide to call it, this post has no direction and little agenda.

Hiliary Paige is back in town now. I'll refer to her as such because she is big time Broadway now and although when she blows up all her fans will call her Hiliary Paige, she'll always just be Hiliary Willis to me.

We all went to the park yesterday (Hastien, Ginger, Hiliary, Kyle, Jessica E.) Screen on the Green was playing "The Wiz" so there were bound to be alot of dancing, hand claping, and hip gyration. It wasn't a bad movie, but the fact that I...

- Couldn't see half the time.
- Smelled weed smoke the whole time.
- and received the sound late so that it didn't match up with the on screen characters.

...made it a little less enjoyable. I can atleast say it was better than being at home.

There's a party tonight at Hiliary's. I am pretty stoaked...although I have to work from 4-9 today. I wish I could go swimming (hair), but I might just chill out in the water...why am I talking about all this stuff...boring.

I'm not enjoying life too much right now. Sure good things are happening, but I guess they are going under apperciated. Well...they aren't going under apperciated...but something is happening b/c I just can't seem to snap out of these random spurts of moodiness. Oh well right?

Point of this blog: Absolutely nothing.

I leave you with 2 rather new Basement Jaxx videos...that are very funny.[x]


You don't know me...


Oh My Gosh...

The summer thus far.

Alright, alright!! I've put it off long enough. I'm going to do an actual update. I've been neglecting my blog of a real update for awhile. I don't know why. I get on computer everday to download the latest J-rock/pop songs, I post on numerous forums, and I read everyone else's blog from start to finsh, but I just can't make the time to update my own. Well times up...

So as many of you know I work at Thai Kitchen now. It isn't a bad job and doesn't take much to excel. Lately though I feel like I've been wasting my time working there because I'm not being challenged in the least bit. Many would say that was a good thing. Work, Work, Work, Pick up paycheck, Buy material possession, Save the rest, rinse-and-repeat. I don't find that rut desireable. I like atleast a mild challenge. Thai Kitchen is offering very minimal to no challenge. They pay is nice though (6.00/hr) and I get all the hours I want. My co-workers (unattractive flirt monsters to hardcore carrying guns to work thugs.) are "ok" so I'm "ok."

As of late I haven't really been making an effort to hang out that much. For awhile I was the head hancho when it came to making plans for [DKrew]. I thought this was kind of weird because not only did I not have a car, I didn't have a realiable place to hang out at either. So basically I was asking other people could we come over to their house and could I get a ride to go over there. Didn't make much sense to me why I was in charge, but I didn't complain (much). Some recent events have me not wanting to hang out much (I'll talk about it later), but I just haven't been adapt to calling people. To whom it may concern: There is nothing wrong with calling other people sometimes too. Friendship isn't one sided. "Well Greg I never call anyone." Well that's all fine and dandy, but don't expect to be called all the time either. */rant*

I waste my life on the computer on my off days. There really isn't much else to do (without a car). My parents got into a huge argument (I'm talking my co-worker at work huge) and lets just say some things were said that shouldn't have been said and now things are sufficently akward. I found myself crying for the first time I could remember in the new century. That's a long time isn't? It's true though. The whole status of my parental life has me wanting to go back to college, get a job, get an apartment, and never move back (no offense to my friends.) Divorce involves both parents, but effects the children the most. It truely is pointless. Me sister and I didn't do anything to deserve this. Oh well...roll with the punches I guess.

I beileve I've covered all the bases. Probably from here on out I will just be talking about my days. Its probably going to get very boring, but you know what they say..."who cares." I have to go cut the grass and then get back on the computer to do..."nothing." (and there's nothing wrong with that.) [x]

*I think I might be looking for affection in all the wrong places. I'm not lonely or anything...but you know the whole mushy "I miss my girlfriend" type of stuff that I don't do...well this truely isn't one of those things, but this seperation is becoming quite annoying.*

You see me in the color of white? I doubt that.

"Human nature is the fundamental nature and substance of humans, as well as the range of human behavior that is believed to be invariant over long periods of time and across very different cultural contexts. The existence of a human nature has been criticized by thinkers such as Hegel, Nietzsche, Structuralism and postmodern theory. Recently the biologist E. O. Wilson formulated a scientific defintion." -Wikipedia.com-

A real post is sure to come.
I'm interested in human nature. (all aspects of it.)

Blue Fairy

"...and although his assumptions on human nature were mostly negative, everyone told him this was not true. He is having a difficult time proving other wise." 06.04.06
----------------------
- Watched A.I: Artificial Intelligence. It was a very sad movie and somewhat uplifiting. I don't understand why alot of people hate that movie (nor do I really care.)

- Going to rent movies from Blockbuster tomorrow.

- I've come to the notion that there are just some things I'll never understand.

- 08.11.06, come with great haste.

I can't give you anything to make you feel right...

I was watching the movie "Open Water" not to long ago. It is a ridiculously stupid movie with lame minimal plot twist, but one thing it did accomplish was making me feel helpless. I was watching these two people trying to survive in the "Open Water" with nothing but their scuba gear. I get a really sad, paranoid, angry, extremely helplessness feeling when I watch those kind of movies. I truely don't like that feeling. Helplessness...

I am watching someone close to me drown in the open water and I am so helpless. There is nothing I can say to alleiviate the pain. There is nothing I can do to take away their problems. There is nothing, absolutely nothing. I think what intensifies the situation is that they just accept the fact that they're drowning because it's been that way for so long. They don't know anything different than the ocean they've been slowly drowning in.

It's such a weird situation to be in. Wanting to help someone, but not being able to. It isn't in my nature to just let things go. So when I am faced with a problem that has no solution, but to give up...I have a hard time accepting it. I can't accept the fact that I am reduced to just watching them struggle, and while I am having the time of my life in paradise...they are swimming for their life.

So "Open Water" finshes and after the tragic ending I wished the movie would have ended differently. I always say I want bad endings in movies and the badguys should win sometimes, but its a totally different story when the movie is real and the actors and actresses are people you know.

*Work Schedule this week*
Fri: 4 - 9pm
Sat: 11 - 10pm
Sun: 11:30 - 6pm
Mon: TBA
Tues: TBA
Wed: Off
Thurs: Off

*I think I will do the best thing for me and get lost in my work. I think I am going to request for more hours. Tons of them...*