I actually hate work?

Today was the first day I went to work and actually hated it. I stood out in front of the neon blue Thai Kitchen sign and I didn't feel motivated at all. Maybe its because I stayed up til 4am and had to wake up at 7:10am. It could quite possibly be the fact that my dad had to point out the fact that it was my fault that I was sleepy (although I knew that...and wasn't blaming it on anyone, but myself.) I don't know...and I guess now it doesn't matter because I am home now and work was mediocore as usual.

Will called me and offered to pick me up from work. That was so nice of him. That was prime "good lookin' out." That's what I call a friend. He knows I don't have a car...and it can be hard for me to get to and from work...Good lookin' out Ofray (If you read this.) Will, Jessie, and myself made our way to Atlanta Bread company. I smelt like nasty ol' Thai food. Which sucked, but what was I suppose to do? The food at ABC is very expensive and doesn't look like large portions, but I guess its nice and fresh...and you pay for the enviornment too.

After eating ABC I needed to take a trip to the hair care place. I finally decided that I'm going to dye the tips of my hair. I'm very excitied, but also very scared. I hope I don't fuck it up. I honestly can see myself messing up, but I could always just dye that part black again right? So it isn't that big of a deal. I bought some more beeswax and oil and we rolled out.

Now I'm at home talking on AIM and listening to Casey Jones. Today was pretty "meah" but I have two off days back to back before I have to close everday this weekend. Oh well...I better get rested up. Holla! [x]

I played it cool.

On the mean streets gangstas carry around guns to protect themselves from being "tried" at any given time. There is a real threat out there for gang members because they engage in illegal activity and have "beef" with other rival gangs. Protection in the form of a gun is absolutely needed, but are gangs needed? In a sense I understand why they are formed and what type of people join gangs (you know the type: alone, broken home, etc.), but why do kids who are raised in mediocore homes, a decent community, and given opportunities turn to gang life?

My co-worker "Charles" (for the propose of this story) is a gang member. He carries a gun to work and talks about "gang life" with me when we are behind the counter serving food. I'm 100% interested, but I don't care all to much (I don't know how that is possible, but that's how I feel.) He showed me his gun awhile ago and you know I played it cool like...

"Yeah man...that's cool. You know I got my piece at home. I'll bring it in tomorrow." (The bolded text was added for a right laugh.)

In my mind I was freaking out though. I had never seen a gun in real life unless it was on a police officer so it was a little different. I don't know what to think about him now. I asked some other people yesterday (or tried to ask.) What they thought about it. I got mixed reviews, but most people thought it was a little "off." I just really want to know why he feels a need to bring a gun to work.

Is your life in that much danger and chaos that you need to be strapped 24/7 and even lend out guns to your friends? (which he did at work today via telephone.) Maybe I don't see it because I'm not "hood," but I don't beileve his life to be in so much danger that he would need to carry around a weapon everywhere. I know some beg to differ. What do you think?

Weird convo from Thai Kitchen #1:
Greg: Would you like some Bangkok Chicken?
Ghetto lady: What?!
Greg: Would you like to sample some Bangkok Chicken?
Ghetto lady: Yeah...is it hot?
Greg: No it's sweet.
Ghetto lady: Is this American meat? What kind of meat is this?
Greg: (looks at dumbfounded woman) Chicken?

#2
Middle Eastern Lady: Do you guys sale tofu items?
Greg: No sorry ma'am. We have various vegetable dishes though. Are you a vegetarian?
MEL: Yes I am. So is my daughter.
Charles: She ain't no damn vegetarian. I bet she be eatin' that dick.
Greg: (shocked) You're crazy.
Charles: Dawg you know she be eatin' that dick. That's meat.
(Lady walks away.)

Never good enough huh?

I normally don't do blog post back to back like this, but today I am making an exception because the craziest thing (not really that crazy) happened to me today this morning.

So I wake up around 7:45am to get ready for a job interview I had at Best Buy from 9am-4pm (but I figured I would go in early to better my chances.) I call up Steven to see if he was still going, but he informed me that he had a late night and wouldn't be making it to Best Buy until 10:30am. That was cool with me. I would tell my mom I wasn't going in later and sleep in another hour while I waited. (Mistake #1)

My mom gets a mild attitude, scoffs, and goes back to what she was doing. I guess she figured we were being lazy (which we were) and that was going prevent us from getting a job (which it wouldn't and didn't.) Whatever...I had my nice little hour post sleep nap.

I get ready and Steven comes over early because his parents are being "different" too. He passes out on the couch and I make sure I'm fresh before I go out. I think I look decent and with that in mind we dip set.

We get to Best Buy and I set up my interview with Mario ______(something). He was really cool and they asked me alot of questions about sales experience and how I work well with people. I fed them the lines they wanted to hear and I slowly had the job in the grasp of my palms. We start to get to my availablity and he finds out that I can't work for 90 days (because of college) and because I wouldn't make "90-day review" that alone wouldn't qualify me for the job. Since I couldn't get a transfer down to Savannah Best Buy (no car and 1hour away) I gave them a big smile and numerous thank yous for even consdering me for a position. (Mistake #2)

I call my mum to tell her what is up. I tell her that I had the job, but I couldn't go through with it b/c of the reasons listed above. Her tone turns very cycnical and tells me I should have lied. She said I should have told them that I could have got transfered down to the Savannah one (although I couldn't.) She says I shouldn't have set up barriers for my work schedule and that isn't how you get jobs (although I have a job right now.)

I couldn't beileve she was saying this stuff to me. No props, no "good jobs", no anything. Just what I should have done although what I did was perfect. I had the job, but because I'm in college I couldn't get the job. I think I'm going crazy because I don't understand why my mom wanted me to lie to get another job. That would not only mess up my perfect work resume, it would mess up Best Buy too. Why would I want to do that? Maybe I need to have kids so I can lose all forms of logic too.

Never good enough huh?
------------------------------------------------
Welp, all I needed was a little time on computer and I feel instantly better.
- Got the Maxium Tune 2 soundtrack. (now I am blasting it super loud.)
- Watched the trailer for Clerks II. It's hilarious (Yourtube it)
- Read and updated blogs and Myspace.

Now I am about to go clean my room and make the beds in the house and it is Onimusha 3 time until later tonight. I'm keepin' it posi. Nothing is going to keep me down. [x]

Explination

I think my last post needs a little bit of explanation.
Well I was upset about alot of things. Namely drugs and alcohol (of course right?)
It's alot more personal than anyone really knows so I chose the gay route and vented about a subject no one even knew what I was talking about on my blog.
Which isn't a bad thing, but isn't really the point of "this" blog...so sorry about that.

I fill alot better now.
I had to let a feeling of "whatever" wash over me and things are back to normal in my mind.
I thank work being awesome yesterday, the new Warriors CD, me talking to Elena at Hottopic and seeing that Dir En Grey merch has been saleing* like hotcakes, and great times with friends.

I'm off until Friday, Saturday (yes I'm still going to graduation), and Sunday. I'm going to make this the best off days ever. Going to the park later today with Darius and Ginger and anyone else who wants to tag along...I'll call some people. I hope its going to be mucho fun. I bet it will.
Things are going great...::goes to get ice cream for breakfast::

I'm honestly not trying to sound emo.

Shitty weekend.
Work tomorrow.
Whatever...
Trying to stay posi.
It's hard when there is a part of your life.
That is so fucked up.
You have to fight to remain in control.
Because if you didn't.
You would end up with regrets.
I want that tattoo bad.
I hate drugs.

Start the cycle...

::sniff:: The smell of Bangkok Chicken is almost disgusting after the first day. It's free food though so I ain't complaining...itadekimasu!

If you didn't get the cliff notes (or if didn't see me at the mall today) I work at Thai Kitchen now. Why you ask? The age old motto:

"If you payin' I'm workin'"

I live by that and it is because of this rule that I have a job now. Not a job that I actually want, but a job that actually pays money. So it's whatever.

They have me giving out samples. Samples? Samples! Yeah I know...it isn't very appealing, but I meet alot of different people. You would be surprised how dirty, old white men's hands could be, how lame mallXcorre kids are, or how mean black women could be (well maybe that isn't a surprise.)It is so disgusting, but I keep my cool (It is my first day after all.)

I didn't really meet any of my co-workers today (b/c there isn't really a need to or an opportunity) Infact I don't even know my managers name. Weird? I know...don't ask me. Its a job that is very relaxed by apperance, but has you walking on egg shells all day.

I'm in drone mode now. This is what I've been asking for the whole time right? So I'm not really complaining. Not enough time has been invested to complain, but don't get me wrong I'm not going to either. It's not my ideal job, but it pays cash money.

I go to work tomorrow at 11:30am and get off around 6pm. Alot of my post are going to be work related (b/c its my life now. Just a fair warning to those who read.
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I also figured out what I am getting on the banner of my chest piece.

"The only path to take is the hardest one to walk."

Thanks Champion. Now I just need to finsh up getting a general design and I'm going to take it to the tat shop to get it commissioned. Sweet Nectar. [x]

Random Stream of Consciousness

Damn am I hungry.
It sucks not having anything to eat around here besides ramen.
If it wasn't for my dad last night I would have had ramen for dinner 2 nights in a row.
Is that any way for a growing boy to eat?
I think not.

The internet is so boring now.
Aim. Myspace. Blogger. Facebook. Xanga. 4chan. SCSC forums. Random Googles (rinse and repeat)
I don't think the internet was meant to be used all day long.
but that is how I treat it.
What a life I lead.

I need a job.
I've applied alot of places, but nothing is happening.
My mom says she will help me make a resume.
Do I want to do that?
It couldn't hurt I guess.
That lady at Thai Kitchen crushed my hopes.
I need to go up and talk to her sometime before the weekend,
but I don't have a car...

I think I'm going to turn into a vegetable.
Watching all this damn television.
If I had transportation I would explore the city.
That would be fun...
Does anyone else think like this?
I doubt it...whatever.
I just want to get out of my house and stop doing the typical.
(Why is Terminator 1 on?)

I miss Amanda.
I'm not going to dwell on it though.
It's just exciting to think about to myself.
I can't wait until college next semester.
Next semester...ugh.
I haven't even told my mom I lost HOPE yet.
Why am I so scared?

You probably didn't read this.
But truthfully I don't write my blogs for anyone, but myself.
I wouldn't mind if people read though.
I mean I want them to read, but I don't care if they don't...get it?
I'm just so out of the loop.
I have nothing going for me right now...and its very fustrating.
It's not like I'm not trying though...
Right?
Sorta
What the fuck do you know?
(Terminator has some cheesy music)

I hate drugs
I hate divorced parents.
I don't even know them.
Why are they in "my" house?
This isn't "my" house anymore.
I'm the stranger.
It's almost like I don't live here anymore.
I don't even think I do.
I have to "plan out" when I am going "home"
and if its ok to spend the night at "my" own "house"
It doesn't make any sense.
Who are these people?
I don't know and I damn sure don't care.
I just want to live my way.
With those I "know"

"just want to live" (Summer = Bust) *so far*

Presents out of ritual...

I think after more than a hour of straight Katamari Damacy play. Your brain infact starts to roll itself up into a katamari to take over your body. My brain feels like mush, but game is addicting and fun. A good way to end this fairly upseting/mediocore day.

Mothers day seems so pointless sometimes. There are some kids who go out of there way to get their mother a little something something and in return their mother showers them with love and affection. It's a big ego stroaking fest. At my house it isn't like that. I'm sure my mother was glad to get her Alice Walker novel and her "smell good oil stuff" (as per my sister), but something was lacking. I don't know what it was, but this morning when I woke up and decided that I would go to my father's house to cook dinner for my mother I was hit with intense sadness. My family isn't a very affectionate one. We even rarely show emotion (unless its anger.) Since I live with my mom (parents are divorced) I get her emotions the most. They range from: bored, tired, annoyed, sleepy, apathetic, angry, and blank. I think her moods have rubbed off on me and I hate it. I hate it so much. I want to be able to express feelings fully and just get caught up in the rapture of emotion, but I just can't. Divorced parents are probably the worst. It is even worst when neither parent is affectionate and you find your self giving presents out of ritual and not on your own accord (which is why I was very upset this morning)

::sigh:: I got that out of my system. I feel a little better now. I don't have any plans tonight nor do I have any money to "do" anything tonight. Might cut the grass for my father tomorrow, but we'll see how that goes. I guess I just needed to vent a little bit because this day hasn't been the best. One parent day down...one more to go.

Greg: "I just want a little affection that isn't too hard to ask for?"
Public: "Greg don't you have a g/f?"
Greg: "Yeah I do, but I'm not going to get to see her for 3months(max)...ugh."

Less than 3

I'm love sick.

::stretches arm:: My arm hurts now. I just got done filling out 3 extensive job applications (Hat Shack, F.Y.E., EB) and I still have one to fill out online (Borders). I don't have much hope for any of them, but I'm applying any and everywhere because the motto still stands "You paying? I'm working!" FYE would be fun just because I would get discounts on CDs, Anime, and I could purchase my porn in private of the general public (that first one was a lie, I steal music.) On almost all of the appilcations I put that I could work open - close everyday except Fridays and Saturdays (where I put I could work from Open - 4pm) I don't want a life right now. I really just want to slave for a job and get money. It isn't a bad decision I swear.

Mother's day is coming up. I have no idea what I want to give my mother. They say it should be something from the heart, but for me it is more like "in the range of $27" I'm broke (present giving wise) I really want to give my mother something really special, but she has still yet to really talk to me. We haven't had one conversation since I've been back. I guess it is something I have to get used to, but it isn't making this persent selection season any easier.

Apparently the DKrew War is over. Some words were exchanged and now one side of the war is done, but I feel another one brewing shortly there after. I beileve the most ironic thing about this whole "feud" is the resolution was something I've been saying all along. "Stay out of each others lives." Too bad no one listens to me, but at least its over now. I might not be the "smartest" or the most "articulate" or "thought provoaking" and I might even be a tad (or by some people's standards "alot") bit "tolerant"...sometimes I know what I am talking about.

Well I hope this update is enough sate those who actually read (which I'm convienced is no more than 3) It is off to Jolty's in a few to watch my bros Chris (x2) Whitehead and Shirley grace the general public with stories told by the 6 string sirens. Hopefully I can cash in my change and in turn grace my stomach with ice cream from Coldstone and a frosty java from Jolty's.

I need a job. [x]

0Nil0

Nothing to report on...

Didn't do anything today, don't plan on doing anything for awhile...so the blog is going to be rather boring.

- Tired to cut the grass today. Didn't have enough oil and it was about to rain.
- Watching 6 episodes of Peach Girl and I have 4 more to go before I meet my daily quota (10)
- Played Silent Hill 4 for a little bit. It was actually scary (when I play by myself.)
- Myles and I might go see Evergreen Terrace June 8th...bringing my show list to 5 solid shows this summer.
- Going to download some music off of aolsucks. They have everything.
- I would really enjoy some casual conversation over coffee at Waffle House, Jolty's, or Starbucks.
- Thai Kitchen needs to call me in the next 3 days. That would be nice.

I'm off to finsh watching Peach Girl...then I might take a nap. It's too late to go to Blockbuster right now (no car), but I really want to watch a movie.

Whatever,
Greg

Indulgences with a hint of loneliness

So for the past 3 nights I've been doing two of two things.

1. Surfing the internet for random stuff to do until 4am in the morning.
2. Downloading videogame music.

These things are fine (for right now), but in about a week it isn't going to cut it anymore. I really need to find something to keep me busy besides the latest OST (Original Sound Track) I didn't know I wanted (ex. Contra - Shattered Soldier) , but I don't know what something should be...or needs to be (I'm having a tough time deciding.)

My cynical mood has been hitting me again lately. It always flares up when an incident shows me that people truely are out for themselves. The fact that they are out for themselves isn't the part that bothers me...its the fact that they aren't honest about it and pretend to be something they aren't. "You only think about yourself." Why can you never be wrong? Why are you always having to prove a point? Why can no one tell you anything? Its fustration on a level I've never experienced (until now.)

While I'm on my soap box I guess (there is no way I could stand on a single soap box) I'll give a little more of my 2cents (I figure if you're still reading by now, you won't mind.) I hate how people worship peers and hold them in some type of spritual light. It might sound like I'm jealous (I think a part of me is...actually I know part of me is), but no one person has all the answers. I think it comes down to who is willing to give that person the attention they need on any given situation (something I'm not willing to do most of the time...I tell it, like I see it.)

I'll look back on this post (in about 7 hours) and laugh. Its whatever though. I guess it is better to express my true feelings and thoughts while they are fresh in my mind and not tucked away behind my tact. The Contra OST isn't as good as I thought it would be (I guess it would have helped if I would have played the game first.) I've gotta find something better to do with my time...this isn't going to work.

*Only day #3 and I'm severly lonely. I guess I'm not as strong as I claimed to be. Oh well...*

*Why does everyone want attention?*

(To Whom it may concern)

Dear, Family
I'm home from college, but it seems like whatever. Don't you want to know any stories and how I feel about my first year of college. Do you even want to know my grades? I made mediocore grades and now I don't have HOPE scholarship. You're probably going to get pissed at me and give me a long spill about something I can't control. I didn't even make bad grades, and I didn't even go "crazy" like they say your first year of college is suppose to be, but you're going to treat me like those people. It isn't fair, but what in life is?

Dear, DKrew
What happened? We used to be the greatest clique around. Now we are just small individual knots of a once tight knit sweater. I have my theorys on what happened, but its nothing that anyone doesn't already know. Honestly it's the fact that we are growing up. People change and their priorties change...if you don't fit into their agenda then you'll find yourself wondering..."what happened." I don't think I want "golden years" DKrew back. It exist better as a memory.

Dear, Amanda
3 months of seperation. Crazy right? We've already established its going to be okay. I'm glad we spent as much together those last 3 days as we did. We've became very close and I like where it is going. Next semester we'll have a full year to do what we just started doing late last semester. That red string holds us together.

Dear, Kids at The7venue (That can't dance)
I dislike most of you. You don't know what hardcore is about. You jumped on board with most of the scene kids who got into it because of mediocore bands like: Everytime I Die, Atreyu, Chiodos, etc...the list goes on. You'll be out of hardcore in 5 minutes...and jump on the next thing that is "cool." You can't hardcore dance worth shit! My sister Rachel has a better two step than you. My girlfriend Amanda who doesn't even dance could probably windmill kick the shit out of you. How are you going to 2step during a breakdown and slam dance during the 2step part? This was the worst display of dancing in my life. That's why I had to get out there dispite my tired conditions. F you scene kids. Your damn bandanas in your back pocket and generic band tees. I truely dislike you.

The parts of speech...

"Gentlemen, are you ready? On your marks, get set, GO!!!"

The sounds of students chatting about what finals are today, what finals are going to "own" them, and how finals don't matter to them (because their grades are so high) or how finals don't matter to them (because their grades are too low.) I fall somewhere inbetween. A bad final can land me the mediocore title of "average" (C), but a exceptional final grade would grant me the close, but no cigar caption "above average" (B). There is no making an A for me this semester. Maybe its because I didn't study as hard or didn't plan my time right, but whatever the reason...it happened for a reason.

The final for my Sociology class 1101 was today. Another mediocore test attempt (in my opinion) and at best I scored a B, but at worst I possibly got a C. Nothing to brag about, but also nothing to be ashamed about. I think I like it that way (or at least I like to pretend I do.)

Finals week is stressful for everyone. I don't know anyone who isn't worrying about their finals (at least a little bit.) Its natural to worry, but I'm not going to let it consume me. Maybe its because I'm one of those people that lie inbetween not caring because I'm not going to fail and not caring because I'm not going to get an A (I don't have that answer.)

- exhale...Well I don't know how the rest of my finals will play out. I tend to beileve it'll just be a continued string of mediocore attempts. I'm not complaining...I could even change it if I wanted to, but I think it might be a little too late. There's always next year.

"Let the lesson begin" she says as we slip into our night time's best.
"What's the lesson today?" my inquisitive mind wonders.
"Today we will start with parts of speech." She instructs

Nouns to tell me how she feels, adjectives to tell me how she views me, verbs aren't shown with words, but expressed with actions and has me saying proper nouns complimented by interjections, Adverbs lets her tell me how much she loves me (and I practice my adverbs back.)

"This is an interesting way to learn the parts of speech." I say
She gives me an A+ on the lips and a golden star on my cheek.
She compliments me by saying,
"You're a fast learner."
"I only learn from the best." I reply.